Pix from 12/21

The Water Pik

First of all, I just wanted to thank my family for the nice gifts.
Second of all, I'd like to share the story of one gift with my blog
readers, and my very personal experience with one already.

My dentist told me a few years back that I might benefit from and
enjoy a water pik. I was never really told which one specifically:
"Doesn't matter, just make sure the water comes out the tube and
splash the water through your teeth. You'd probably like it, it's
like a gadget." Or something like that. So, I put it on my mental
list of things to remember to buy myself. Well, when this Christmas
season began to peek around the corner of our lives, I decided to
update my online "wish list" for everyone. So, I did. And as I was
doing this, I remembered that I'd still neglected to get myself a
Water Pik. So, good doobie that I am, I added it to my list and
refrained from ordering it then and there off the 'net.

Kevin and Michelle did me the honour of selecting this item from my
list so I may finally appease my dentist and play with a new toy.
Now, I don't know what others do when they receive such a gift, but I
was quite excited inside, stomping down my enthusiasm so that I would
refrain from trying it out in Mary's livingroom. Mind you, there are
reasons as to why I do my best to refrain from trying out liquid-
based gadgets in others' livingrooms, one of which is about to be
revealed in this story. I did, however, put it all together in five
seconds flat so that when I got it home it would be in my mouth that
much faster.

Anywho, Dale and I got home this morning, unpacked everything, goofed
around, made a mess of the living room, be-bopped around the house,
and then I took note of the item once again. My hand snatched it up
and away we went into the bathroom to get intimately acquainted.
Much to my surprise, the battery was already charged! So, I looked
in the mirror, carefully aimed the highest-pressure tip at my
gumline, and pressed the button. Which, might I add, stays on until
you hit the button below it to shut the pulsating, mess-making,
mirror-splattering, cheek-ripping, glasses-breaking, eyelash-
drooping, gum-molesting thing off. I realized - amidst my panicked
state! - that by the time I'd found this secondary button, the mirror
had been cleaned twice over, the window had been shot, the cat was
irrevocably afraid of me, and the tingling sensation had subsided
only because my mouth had slid off my jaw into the sinkful of drool
and discarded WaterPik water.

I spit the remainder of my throat into the sink and proceeded (with
slightly more caution) to try the BLUE tip, which was stated to be
"lower pressure."

The blue tip did indeed appear to provide less pressure, but then
Dale took a bold step in to see what all the shrieks were about.
After asking what happened to the mirror, he asked just enough
additional questions to make me realize that the battery was dying.
So, I gave up for the time being, plugged it in, picked up my face,
put it back on, and wandered off to find something else to kill
myself with so I wouldn't have to go to work.

I didn't succeed in that last endeavour.

SOoooo... I got home from work a short while ago, ate Scones and
drank tea (Mary - that scone pan is awesome), goofed around some
more, checked email, wandered into the bathroom, and... saw the fully-
charged Water Pik, gently lit up by our lovely new ladybug night-
light. A beacon of enticement! I immediately unplugged the Pik,
added more water, and shot new drainage holes in the sink with it,
being blown backwards into the shelves in the process.

At that point I guessed that I'd been wrong about which tip was
which, so I switched to the clear tip and shoved the thing into my
mouth, pressing the button as I did so.

Let me just say that the lovely red jacket Kevin and Michelle gave me
is now leaving sopping wet arm-prints all over my desk as I write
this, and my dentist may have lost a customer because I can no longer
feel my teeth.

Next year for Christmas I'm going to ask for WaterPik Usage Lessons.

~nv

QsOTD

That book I got from a one-day time management course has been far
from helpful on the job as far as time management goes. However, in
addition to helping me remember what I want to do at home, it's also
been a source of inspiration for me because of the quotes at the tops
of its pages.

The 17th had this one:
"Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living;
the other helps you make a life."

In response to it, I wrote: "Indeed, but... for me, they are
intertwined. By exercising my knowledge, I gain more wisdom."

The next day was pretty cool. Said they: "There is nothing final
about a mistake, except its being taken as final."

My response: "Considering Dec 17th's quote, this is very
appropriate. If you mistake knowledge for wisdom, it does not mean
you cannot change your mind about your thoughts and correct your
mistake about the subject. Assuming you consider it a mistake. I
consider these things 'learning experiences.'"

One other, from the 14th: "A ship in port is safe, but that's not
what ships are built for."

My response: "This book was once clean and neat with all its pages
of blankness. What is a blank page without feeling? Many people,
especially those who have done without, will save 'nice' things for
'nice' or 'special' occasions. It might be easy to say they are
wasting in a way. I think there's a balance to be had. Sometimes
you want to keep a ship in port if you're well aware of destructive
'bergs out at sea. The Titanic was not unsinkable, after all. On
the other hand, it certainly 'went down' in history."

BUTTERRRRR!!

Just made my second batch!! Came out a lot better this time. It was
pretty good the first time, in fact, but now I know what I did
wrong. I used a blender instead of a mixer. The mixer has it all
over that blender. (Sorry, blender.) Dump the cream in a mixing
bowl, set mixer to high, beat the pixels out of it, then when it
turns yellowish and clumpy add a bit of salt, blend at medium for a
while until you see the milk, and then dump off the buttermilk and
set to low and beat until it all clumps together, dumping off the
milk as you go.

The clumping together part is what I missed last time - I had many
clumps and simply pushed them together. It's better if you let the
mixer do it for you, it seems to get more of the milky stuff out.

Then I took the clump and pressed it into a container to extract as
much milk as I could. W00t!! BUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Dale - it's in the fridge in the red-topped container if you want
some. All others will either need to visit or make their own.)

~nv

The Thinker

I had a fairly good day at work. I feel I got a lot accomplished,
even if time ran out on me and I wasn't able to do everything I'd
wanted to do.

On the way home, I was listening to Ozzy Osbourne and suddenly
recalled my childhood friends, who listened to OzzY! and Metallica
and the like. I liked their all-black wardrobe and adopted it myself
for years to come. For a couple years there, I also listened to GNR
and a few other "hard rock/heavy metal" bands (as they were called at
the time) and learned how to "bang my head."

An odd sort of wistfulness struck me as I recalled those days. I
wasn't really a headbanger per se because I didn't LOVE Metallica.
To this day I can scarcely name a few hard rock songs even though I
will readily recognize quite a few. Still, I loved hanging out with
those guys and realized that I miss several sections of my life
where, for however short a time, I felt I almost belonged somewheres.

So many of my friendships have fallen by the wayside. A few have
hung in there but they've undergone significant metamorphoses - on
both sides, I suppose, but I know I've done a lot of growing and soul-
searching in the last several years which has been both liberating
and confining. I've grown into myself and continue to do so. This
has helped to strengthen my reserve and maintain an independent
nature while immersing myself in this world full of people,
experiences and ideas. On the other hand, I feel that I've grown so
fast that few people can keep up with me and lesser can understand
me. This leads me to occasionally feel like an outcast, a feeling
I'm used to but have never fully accepted despite my eccentricities.

Like my mother, I suppose; she's complex by nature and someone once
told her she was a person of many contradictions. I guess I'm just
more predictable and less outspoken about it. She states her case
whether people want to hear it or not, and I hide behind a monitor
and express myself to anyone who wants to read what I have to say.

Speaking of Mum, it's her birthday today. She's not as young as me
again. :)

And, this morning at 9:35am my friend/coworker, Laura, gave birth to
a cute fuzzy little boy named Caleb. She said Caleb is from the
Bible, and that the Biblical Caleb made the first bow and arrow. I
didn't know that. Apparently he has hair on his back, although I
didn't get to see it. He has a full head of dark, soft, fine hair,
and looks like a thinker. I'd bought him a stuffed wolf upon sight
of it and felt a strong sense that it would symbolize something along
the lines of protection and strength for him. As I watched his
little face, it seemed like he was deep in thought and it occurred to
me that he shares my mom's birthday. Perhaps on some level I got the
wolf for her without realizing it. She loves wolves.

I told Laura she has a beautiful son.

~nv

Canon

I just glanced over and saw my dead S5 on the table. Then I looked
away lest the tears fill my eyes again, and happened upon the SD card
I removed from said evil dead camera last night upon the camera's
indeterminable demise. This is not the first time I've thought of my
camera this morning. It's a part of my hand, after all. Knowing
it's been amputated from my limb is enough in and of itself to be
noticed repeatedly regardless of my need to take a picture.

Four of the five Canon cameras that have been in our family in the
past few years HAVE ALL HAD PROBLEMS. Three have outright died in
under two years. (This is one of those three, and it's just barely
six months old!)

Seriously considering a brand-change as I settle myself for a
potential battle to get this thing fixed (however temporarily).

If I had more time before work, I'd write a bit more emotionally
about this, but it's probably best I don't allow those particular
feelings to rise again. I came pretty close to throwing that thing
through a window last night as it is and would prefer to have it
fixed than destroyed, considering the amount I paid for it.

The little $100 critters seem to take fairly good pictures... maybe I
don't need all the bells and whistles... (yeah right)

~nv

gah, we're gonna die of plastics poisoning!

http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007712140309

Bottom line of that article:  EVERYTHING will eventually kill us no matter what.  I'd heard about the plastics vs cancer issue a long time ago and neither dispute nor refute it.  I'm sure plastic has its problems, since it comes from an ancient fuel by-product, but it's also a very convenient, relatively cheap material to utilize in so many of the ways we do.  It's only one thing we choose to help us be lazy in some ways so we can focus on other things.

My philosophy is this.  Minimize exposure to everything - cook your own food using non-radiated fruits, veggies, meats, etc.  Use as much natural stuff as possible under the assumption that it's got to be better for you, or at least as nature intended it.  Anything you use should be as close to nature as possible!  Exercise by going out and finding some grass and rolling around in it or sprinting through some tall weeds.  Get in the dirt and play, taking care not to wash your hands immediately afterward for fear of germs.  Fear not the folks with colds!  Dance!!  Laugh!!  Work hard and eat like you mean it.  Take time out for yourself.  Help others in some way every day.

For me, the world is so focused on what's going to harm them and others that they don't stop and smell the roses in their own back yard for fear of pesticide poisoning.  My back yard won't have any pesticides when I have one.  It'll probably have dandelions sprouting all over it, bright and sunlike all over the yard, and the few plants I attempt to grow on purpose will likely be half-eaten by some sort of hungry bug, but that's okay.  At least I will be able to sniff at them without worrying about poisoning myself and anyone I breathe on.  One more thing I've resolved to do is to stop taking my work so darned seriously.  It's a hard habit to break, but one I vow I will break so that I can focus on the most important things in my life:  Dale, the critters, and of course, my spirituality.  Not to mention myself.  How can I help others if I'm unbalanced and blurry myself?  Gotta take care of myself above all others or I'll be of no use to the world.

And you know what?  I'm still going to die some day.  Currently I hope this experience will not occur for quite some time, as I've got some strong ties here now, but I'm still looking forward to finding out what the big deal is.  I just hope I don't suffer long beforehand.  Relief from a prolonged illness can byte my arse.  Quick and sweet, baby.  If it's prolonged just enough for me to take care of things, though, I'll take that over being hit by a bus.  Got peeps to worry about, now, you know.

~w

"and when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn.  Just rejoice and hear the sound of my voice and know that I'm looking down and smiling so don't feel no pain just smile back" (Eminem)

old friend

Wow, I just found my old school friend, Julie, through
Classmates.com. Emailed her, hopefully she's paying attention to
however people contact people this way, and maybe she'll write back.
I hope so. I've often wondered how that girl is doing. Apparently
she's still doing her flowers and still loving it. I remember when
she first told me what she so wanted to do in life, I thought,
"Flowers?! What's so cool about flowers?!" But now, it's like,
cool! Flowers!! She's still doing flowers!!! Weird how accepting
I've become of such things... haha

Well, off to find food before it finds me... that's what I came up
here for, I was going to see if garlic and corn mush might go good
with leftover corned beef...

~nv

okay, so now that the fog has lifted...

...work isn't so bad again.

I had a rather positive talking/listening to and felt backed and
liked and respected and supported today, so now I can't hate the
whole place. Not that I really did, but it felt like I did, and I
had to feel like I did because I couldn't stomach the concept of
staying there and to like any element made it difficult for me to
reach any logical conclusion as to what I should do.

The smartest thing I did was tell myself and Dale that I would not
decide ANYthing until this week, because you see, I know myself. I
need to make decisions when I'm thinking logically and am NOT upset.

Wow. I was just about to jot something in my Franklin Covey planner
under tomorrow's date... something along the lines of "I will
distance myself from emotional involvement today." Then I thought,
"Hm, that's kind of along the lines of professional growth or
something" and glanced over at the saying for tomorrow (they have a
quote on each date). It said: "Peace is the skillful management of
conflict." (Kenneth Boulding)

Last week, I had a myriad of stressful things happening: PMS, which
amplifies my emotional side; rude, unprofessional, childish behaviour
that spilled over into the life of someone I care about as well as my
own; a project that involves a scatterbrained, demanding person who
can't or won't keep facts straight; demanding work. Not to mention a
stiff, crunchy neck that had been getting worse over the course of a
few weeks (likely due to stress above all else).

All of this led me to seek out advice from friends and colleagues,
and of course, Dale. Dale was awesomely supportive. My friends have
been supportive and counselled me as best they could whilst offering
an empathetic ear. And finally, a few colleagues offered advice and
assistance from a professional standpoint as well as a friendly one.

I had told Dale, too, that I planned to get a massage on my neck, and
he reminded me of a friend of ours that does just that for a living.
So, I booked an appointment with her for yesterday morning. My neck
isn't 100% again, but I feel a significant change and I think if I
worked on it, I could get it back the rest of the way on my own.
Also, the sensations were astounding. I'd never done a massage
before. This magnificent person, through whatever magic she's aware
of, did things that caused my old friend Colour Purple to float under
my eyelids. Purples including that one as well as a deeper bluish
version, yellows, both muted and glowing but all diffused within the
purples, and even a spot of diffused green - I hadn't been that
meditative in a _long_ time. I'd read once that massage can bring
some people to tears and worried slightly that I might be affected
that way. When she first began, I knew it felt good and relaxing,
but it was more of an energy stabilizer than a release. At first.
Then, once the colours began, I felt myself touching that part of
myself that I seldom speak to anymore with all the worldly things
that occur each day. I watched my purply colour, which I've long
felt was a sort of protective, comforting one, swirl around in
greeting, a long lost friend. "Oh, hello," I told it, and I felt my
words fade out into oblivion. I was one with myself, aware of things
I'd stopped being aware of, aware that there is more to me than just
a body feeling mixtures of contentment, worry, stress, and
happiness. Then the massage person would suddenly start talking and
the colour would shift to intrusions of a perty yellow, mixing like
those oily widgets I remember as a kid. You know, the flat discs
where you push on the back and different colours appear on the
front... anywho, then she'd fall silent, her fingers would
instinctively push into the bottom of my head and stop dead in their
tracks, and I'd see tendrils of colours pour in again.

This person does, in fact, practice Reiki. I'd heard about "laying
on of hands" before but I had no idea just how much energy actually
flows through one's fingertips. I'll have to notice what colour this
person's aura is next time I see her. I'm oh-so-curious to know if
it's one of those "healing" colours I've read about.

A part of myself wonders if I'm wasting my own fingers. I know I
have an awareness of how to use my hands on people, at least
somewhat. The few people I've given instinctive massages to have
commented on my touch, and the strength of my hands. I almost feel
guilty by not offering them up a bit more frequently, but I feel odd
saying, "Hey, you want a massage?" I dunno, I like doing it just
fine for a time, but depending on the person, it can be draining.
Anywho, I digress. The massage I experienced was awesome, and it
helped me in a couple profound ways. First, I relaxed for a bit.
Second, I experienced something new. Third, I was put in touch with
something I'd forgotten I needed. And fourth, I came away with a
rather numb feeling, as though somewhere inside I'd made a decision
about something important. I couldn't say what, but it was
important. I feel more focused, less stressed, and feel like I'm
looking at things a bit differently, a way for me to get a better
view of myself and my life.

This evening I came home and emptied the fridge and the freezer and
the pantry of anything I found that was old. Then I put the garbage
out. On my way back inside, I heard a little girl's words in my
mind: "Mommy, I feel bad for you, having to carry that heavy garbage
can out like that." I replied in the voice of her mother: "Oh, I
don't mind. Putting out the garbage means we have food to eat and
things to throw away." It was something I'd read in Readers' Digest,
I think, and I always remembered it. My mind is like that. Throw
out the garbage now and again, because it means I've taken enough in
to have something to throw out. I'm far from poor.

~nv

Carpe el diem!!

Off to have my first massage ever. Perfect day for it, too. It's a
Moanday. Makes my work day a bit shorter (2.5 hours, in fact) which
is good 'cause I still don't wanna go. Maybe I'll even leave early
tonight, if other people are there and it's safe to do so. Yah! I'm
gonna attempt some minor hooky action this week!!

Carpe el diem!!

(Right by its throat, then shake vigorously until it behaves!!)

~nv

i soooooo don't want to goooooo

really REALLY don't want to go... why did I just read the email from
that hideous place...

thanked for doing something to enable someone to do something they
shoulda and coulda done in first place.. yeah, that's great...

dammit, I need a vacation...

~nv

don't wanna go

don't want don't want don't want

Don't want to go to work

Don't want don't want don't want don't want

Don't want to go to work...

Whiney spleeney wimpy selfish ittle widdle crappy job

Don't want don't want don't want don't want

'nuff said...

~nv

rapid weaver...

...is gonna get it...

...I'm frustrated...

...and resigned...

...to...

REDOING MOUNT 9 FROM @)#*()#*$)*&$*%& SCRATCH

NOT happy

~nv

BUTTER!!

I almost forgot to blog about this!! I made my own butter last
night!! Bought some heavy cream (thankfully I had foresight and
bought a whole quart, good since now I want to make more butter).
I'm reading up on butter-making now and realize I didn't do it quite
right, but... it came out awesome!!

What I did was put heavy cream in the blender, and blend the
fizzlesticks out of it. Then it got too thick to blend thoroughly in
the bottom, so I had to dump off some of the whipped cream. I added
some salt at that point but had to stir down into the blades, and
keep doing the stir/blend routine for about 10-15 minutes, because it
kept going up the sides away from the blades. Finally some milky
substance started oozing from this lumpy yellowish glob and I
realized I'd made... BUTTER!! So I dumped off the milky stuff -
after tasting it of course; it was pretty good! - and then stirred
the butter more until I got more milky stuff out of it. Finally I
got to scrape it out of the bottom of the blender, all around the
blades, until I got it all into a container. It oozed more milky
stuff. Now I know why they call it buttermilk. It's milk that comes
from butter.

Anywho, it's very creamy, just mildy salty, and tastes like cream. I
wonder why butter would taste like cream...

haha.

~nv

My new favourite pasttime

Kicking boxes down the stairs.

'nuff said.

QOTD

Quote of the Day: "All that we send into the lives of others comes
back into our own." (Edwin Markham)

Methinks so. Dr. Wayne Dyer seems to think attitude has a lot to do
with how we're treated by most people. One of the stories he has
told is how he was travelling on some airline and he had an extra
piece of luggage. This lady wouldn't let him take that one piece of
luggage, and he was running out of time. He knew from the look on
her face that she wasn't about to budge. I can't remember exactly
what he said to her or whatever, but in the end, his attitude about
the situation was so positive that she eventually succumbed and
allowed an exception rather than hanging upon technicality.

Witness to this in my own life has been me. It's both attitude and
perception in a person that enables happy or sad thoughts. You ever
hear of a person being "negative" all the time? What about a person
who's always "so positive" or "bubbly" or whatnot? The eternal
optimist. The pessimist. We have all sorts of labels to place on
people who tend towards one extreme or the other. I know both types
of people and find my spirits instantly coiled up whenever they sense
negativity, and they seem to soar when around a happy person. This
can occur even before anything is said.

Indeed, the human element is so very aware of its surroundings. You
ever walk into a room and suddenly feel this weight in the air? Your
neck hairs prickle and you feel wary. Come to find out an argument
had just occurred, or someone is in a bad mood. You don't have to
see the angry person to feel the vibe.

Then there's "like attracts like." If you're somewhat neutral, or
perhaps even positive, and hang around a negative person, you feel
bad. Eventually you want to get away from that person, or you end up
being negative, too. It almost can't be helped. A negative person
will in turn either be lifted in spirits around or absolutely detest
a happy person. "You're so f***ing happy," they might say. "You
make me sick!" Thus is stands to reason that if you're positive most
of the time, you'll attract positive people into your life, and vice-
versa.

So, yes, what goes around comes around.

~nv

internal terror

I'm kinda stuck in a rut at the moment, or maybe I have been and am so far gone that I'm starting to pull out of it.  It's mostly work, although I admit perhaps I just need a vacation and a good chunk of "me" time.  Not the kind where I shut myself in my den and ask Dale to stay away, but the kind where he's at work and I'm not and I'm just home alone, no one here but the cats.  I had a lot of that at one time and the past year, since I was put on first shift, has been taxing in some ways even though I'm glad to be home with Dale at night.  Still, all that being said, work is the focus of this rant.

I know I hold my peers to higher standards than maybe I should, and therefore I'm always getting disappointed, but lately it's beyond that.  There is this one person whom I feel nauseous even listening to now, and I want desperately for her to just disappear, or whatever it takes to avoid being anywhere near her.  I was coping just fine (okay, barely) with her around, but the other day I just couldn't overlook a comment she made.

I have tried to make this work, I've adapted to the people I could adapt to.  I've learned better ways to manage my time more effectively, I've become more streamlined, more knowledgeable, more organized.  I enjoy taking on new things and on occasion have reluctantly said no to some people when I absolutely had no additional time or energy to give.  I've found ways to adapt to some of the noise by pushing for headphones for my phone.  It helped tremendously because at the highest volume, most of the noise can be drowned out, and thus I can actually hear my customers.  I have tried to tune out the incessant chatter and cattiness that abounds in that dysfunctional team which I cannot, with any honesty, consider myself an integral part of right now.  I've tried to teach and I've been blown off half the time.  I've tried to explain.  I've tried to document.  The things I say and write are often overlooked, argued with, outright ignored or blatantly disrespected or laughed at.

When I have particular troubles with someone or something and I cannot figure out how to cope with it, my boss tells me to fix it myself, to talk to the person(s) I'm having the trouble with, or to go to a class.  He seems to think he's being a good leader by simply telling us what we need to do, and sending all our complaints back to the origins.  I think it makes him appear to be idealist bullshitter who has no control over his employees.  Thus I respect his ideas and his brains but have no confidence in him as a leader so therefore I keep everything to myself and/or a select group of individuals which understand where I'm coming from.  And then my boss seems to think that just because no one has vented to him in a while, everything must be fine and dandy.

Of course everything is fine and dandy.  We've all figured out that you don't give a shit about us, so we stopped caring about each other and are just working for ourselves in one big room.  We're still getting something done, but the vision to be great?  That illusion disappeared the moment he chided me for being angry about having things thrown at me by a 19-year-old "employee."

So, I'm at the point now where I've been considering a few things.  I could find another job, but truth be told I'm not just comfortable with what I do now, I happen to enjoy most of what I do.  Not everyone can say that.  So I don't really WANT to quit my job, even if it's entirely possible I'd be just as happy if not happier somewhere else, even if it meant commuting or a cut in pay.  When it comes to what I want, money is only there because I need to survive.  I grew up poor, I'm fine with struggle if it means I feel good about my work.

My second thought is to switch shifts.  This would obviously require approval, but if I played it right and thought from a business perspective, I might be able to pull it off.  The inherent problems there are that a) I'm really not good at staying up so late and b) I almost feel like I'd be running away from a problem.

My third thought is, "I want my own office."  That, unfortunately, is not an option.  I can't even get partitions to help block out some of the unnecessary personal conversations and arguments that go on.

I've been told in the past that if I have a big project to work on, I could request to work from home for a few hours or a day or whatever, so long as I could coordinate with my peers and make sure I'd not be doing such a thing when there wasn't enough help there.  It was the most enjoyable experience!  I sat here on Shady, completely immersed in code, working out problems I'd have absolutely no possibility of ever figuring out in the office.  It would have been perfect if Darth (my work computer) was actually in such an environment, whether at home or not, but the fact is that without the constant interruptions and noise, I was at peak efficiency of mind and body.  I could actually _think_.  Imagine that.

In conclusion, I still have no definite answers right now.  I'm still considering the schedule change as a possibility because I so desire silence, and second/third shift allows for that.  What I do know in my head and in my heart is that no matter what the external force is, the internal one should be ruling over me now, and it isn't.  I have, in the past, been able to simply stop caring what other people were doing, and just circumvent problems caused by them by slipping around things and correcting them myself to the best of my abilities.  I guess my biggest problem right now is that I'm too damned _busy_ to be doing this.  I have no time to think about how to keep outsmarting everyone so that things they'd like to screw up can still run smoothly.  I'm sick of hearing about how wonderful I am and how deficient half my team is every day.  I don't mind praise, but I want it only when it's deserved _only_ of my own accord, not out of some comparison to people that don't give a damn and reflect badly on the rest of us.

Why the actions of others are not corrected, I don't know.  It's not my call, which has been painfully made clear to me.  But I've GOT to figure out how to take corrective action on my feelings about the matter, because I don't want to come home every night in tears or anger and miss out on the love at home.

Rant done.

~nv

Opportunity

Doug Larson: "Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it
sneaks up and then quietly steals away."

Does it? Maybe the biggest opportunities. I know I've taken some
big opportunities. My job and a couple promotions in that job. I
had to make special efforts for these things. Marrying Dale - he
asked, I said yes. Even dating him! I'm so fortunate I realized
that holding myself back from a relationship with him was stupid.
There was the opportunity - the perfect person for me, dangled before
my eyes by his own will. I took the opportunity to go to a Red Sox
game with him. I'd never been, he offered to drag me there. I'm not
really a baseball fan, and I feel someone who was would have not only
said "Sure" but would have JUMPED at the chance. But how often do
you get the chance to go to something like that? It was a memorable,
enjoyable experience, one that I'll always remember, not just for its
uniqueness but also because I was with Dale when I went and because
we enjoyed each other's company while there. He wanted me there, and
that meant a lot to me. Of course I'd take that opportunity.

How many little opportunities do people take advantage of? A pause
between phone calls for a bathroom break, or a quick chat with a
friend/coworker, a moment to check email, to write oneself a note,
close one's eyes and breathe deeply for a moment. Walking past a
speaker, hearing a song, and taking a moment to wiggle your arse to a
good tune even though you're in a hurry.

Some might say things like this are part of the thing called
"stopping to smell the roses." But those roses are all opportunities
to be enjoyed.

I think it depends on the person.

~nv

Quest

Eugene S. Wilson: "Only the curious will learn and only the resolute
overcome the obstacles to learning. The quest quotient has always
excited me more than the intelligence quotient."

This brought to mind the many folks I've been exposed to in my short
time here on Planet Earth, and how some seem "bright" while others
are, well, less so. I can't help but wonder why that is. So I asked
myself: Why do I learn?

I learn, typically, because I /want/ to. Why do I want to? I'm
curious. I like the rush of adrenaline at times when knowledge is
absorbed into my brain like a sponge. I enjoy the sensation of it
scrambling along whatever paths it's treading on as it reaches the
little memory cells. I love reading something and simply
understanding it, drawing conclusions of my own, wiping them out with
new ones as I learn more, figuring things out, acquiring new tools to
figure more things out on my own. I like thinking. I take my head
with me everywhere I go, so it's a wonderful toy to have around at
all times. I'm never bored. So learning, for me, gives me plenty to
do.

I also learn because I'm required to. The problem with that is that
I don't remember as well when I'm not interested, no matter what I
do, so I have to keep notes and then try to remember where I've kept
THOSE. Thankfully my curiosity will kick in at some point despite
the subject and SOMEthing will strike me as interesting, so at least
I remember enough of that piece to muddle my way through.

My biggest complaint is that there is not enough time to learn
everything.

Yet despite all these wonderful feelings that I experience as a
byproduct of brain growth, there are people who refuse to learn. I
never understood those people. Nor do I understand those who can't
seem to learn. Are they not interested enough? Am I really all that
smart, or am I simply highly curious? Is it my attitude? Where does
the attitude come from? Where does intelligence come from? Why do
some people find reasons to absorb knowledge while others avoid it at
any cost?

Like everything else, intellectual variety helps to keep the world
spinning, but I still can't help but wonder about these things, as I
do not yet understand them. That is curiosity.

One of my ponderings for the day.

~nv