The Water Pik

First of all, I just wanted to thank my family for the nice gifts.
Second of all, I'd like to share the story of one gift with my blog
readers, and my very personal experience with one already.

My dentist told me a few years back that I might benefit from and
enjoy a water pik. I was never really told which one specifically:
"Doesn't matter, just make sure the water comes out the tube and
splash the water through your teeth. You'd probably like it, it's
like a gadget." Or something like that. So, I put it on my mental
list of things to remember to buy myself. Well, when this Christmas
season began to peek around the corner of our lives, I decided to
update my online "wish list" for everyone. So, I did. And as I was
doing this, I remembered that I'd still neglected to get myself a
Water Pik. So, good doobie that I am, I added it to my list and
refrained from ordering it then and there off the 'net.

Kevin and Michelle did me the honour of selecting this item from my
list so I may finally appease my dentist and play with a new toy.
Now, I don't know what others do when they receive such a gift, but I
was quite excited inside, stomping down my enthusiasm so that I would
refrain from trying it out in Mary's livingroom. Mind you, there are
reasons as to why I do my best to refrain from trying out liquid-
based gadgets in others' livingrooms, one of which is about to be
revealed in this story. I did, however, put it all together in five
seconds flat so that when I got it home it would be in my mouth that
much faster.

Anywho, Dale and I got home this morning, unpacked everything, goofed
around, made a mess of the living room, be-bopped around the house,
and then I took note of the item once again. My hand snatched it up
and away we went into the bathroom to get intimately acquainted.
Much to my surprise, the battery was already charged! So, I looked
in the mirror, carefully aimed the highest-pressure tip at my
gumline, and pressed the button. Which, might I add, stays on until
you hit the button below it to shut the pulsating, mess-making,
mirror-splattering, cheek-ripping, glasses-breaking, eyelash-
drooping, gum-molesting thing off. I realized - amidst my panicked
state! - that by the time I'd found this secondary button, the mirror
had been cleaned twice over, the window had been shot, the cat was
irrevocably afraid of me, and the tingling sensation had subsided
only because my mouth had slid off my jaw into the sinkful of drool
and discarded WaterPik water.

I spit the remainder of my throat into the sink and proceeded (with
slightly more caution) to try the BLUE tip, which was stated to be
"lower pressure."

The blue tip did indeed appear to provide less pressure, but then
Dale took a bold step in to see what all the shrieks were about.
After asking what happened to the mirror, he asked just enough
additional questions to make me realize that the battery was dying.
So, I gave up for the time being, plugged it in, picked up my face,
put it back on, and wandered off to find something else to kill
myself with so I wouldn't have to go to work.

I didn't succeed in that last endeavour.

SOoooo... I got home from work a short while ago, ate Scones and
drank tea (Mary - that scone pan is awesome), goofed around some
more, checked email, wandered into the bathroom, and... saw the fully-
charged Water Pik, gently lit up by our lovely new ladybug night-
light. A beacon of enticement! I immediately unplugged the Pik,
added more water, and shot new drainage holes in the sink with it,
being blown backwards into the shelves in the process.

At that point I guessed that I'd been wrong about which tip was
which, so I switched to the clear tip and shoved the thing into my
mouth, pressing the button as I did so.

Let me just say that the lovely red jacket Kevin and Michelle gave me
is now leaving sopping wet arm-prints all over my desk as I write
this, and my dentist may have lost a customer because I can no longer
feel my teeth.

Next year for Christmas I'm going to ask for WaterPik Usage Lessons.

~nv