The Thinker

I had a fairly good day at work. I feel I got a lot accomplished,
even if time ran out on me and I wasn't able to do everything I'd
wanted to do.

On the way home, I was listening to Ozzy Osbourne and suddenly
recalled my childhood friends, who listened to OzzY! and Metallica
and the like. I liked their all-black wardrobe and adopted it myself
for years to come. For a couple years there, I also listened to GNR
and a few other "hard rock/heavy metal" bands (as they were called at
the time) and learned how to "bang my head."

An odd sort of wistfulness struck me as I recalled those days. I
wasn't really a headbanger per se because I didn't LOVE Metallica.
To this day I can scarcely name a few hard rock songs even though I
will readily recognize quite a few. Still, I loved hanging out with
those guys and realized that I miss several sections of my life
where, for however short a time, I felt I almost belonged somewheres.

So many of my friendships have fallen by the wayside. A few have
hung in there but they've undergone significant metamorphoses - on
both sides, I suppose, but I know I've done a lot of growing and soul-
searching in the last several years which has been both liberating
and confining. I've grown into myself and continue to do so. This
has helped to strengthen my reserve and maintain an independent
nature while immersing myself in this world full of people,
experiences and ideas. On the other hand, I feel that I've grown so
fast that few people can keep up with me and lesser can understand
me. This leads me to occasionally feel like an outcast, a feeling
I'm used to but have never fully accepted despite my eccentricities.

Like my mother, I suppose; she's complex by nature and someone once
told her she was a person of many contradictions. I guess I'm just
more predictable and less outspoken about it. She states her case
whether people want to hear it or not, and I hide behind a monitor
and express myself to anyone who wants to read what I have to say.

Speaking of Mum, it's her birthday today. She's not as young as me
again. :)

And, this morning at 9:35am my friend/coworker, Laura, gave birth to
a cute fuzzy little boy named Caleb. She said Caleb is from the
Bible, and that the Biblical Caleb made the first bow and arrow. I
didn't know that. Apparently he has hair on his back, although I
didn't get to see it. He has a full head of dark, soft, fine hair,
and looks like a thinker. I'd bought him a stuffed wolf upon sight
of it and felt a strong sense that it would symbolize something along
the lines of protection and strength for him. As I watched his
little face, it seemed like he was deep in thought and it occurred to
me that he shares my mom's birthday. Perhaps on some level I got the
wolf for her without realizing it. She loves wolves.

I told Laura she has a beautiful son.

~nv